Monday, June 20, 2011

oi vey. big decisions.

a little birthday card for mrs. kelly magnino.

things get hard & i get antsy and my initial reaction is to jump ship. which sounds pretty dreamy, if only i could survive in salt water. or any water. no matter how i try to bend it, our bodies aren't built to live in water.   live on a boat in water, yesss.  fortunately, i haven't ever had the means to actually jump, forcing me to stay for the ride until we've docked.
but sometimes i get a little confused between my dreams, what i'm supposed to be doing, and if i'm trying to run from something. on top of that i completely forget how young i am.  i don't need to be rushing to get things done or feeling like there's not enough time, because i'm not in the same place as the people around me.

the woes of growing up too fast : i'm never quite sure if i'm in in the proper place.
i'm guessing it all stems back to early-life trauma and/or the lack of a (or both) parental role model(s). then again, i haven't really discussed that with other kidz who've missed out on parents. 

this week i have to decide the next 1-2 year path of my life.
a. continue life as is - refining myself & pushing my art into the world around me.
b. the above + school (studio art degree & some extra writing/journalism courses... i definitely need them)
c. move across the world & delve into an artist's community somewhere in the mediterranean/middle east or mexico/south america.
d. do the above + school.
my dreamy brain keeps tripping over the traveling part. ooooo ahhhh. how lovely it would be. nope. stop. i've got at least 7 more years to make that happen. how lovely it will be, when that does happen. whenever it'll be.

this half critic, half romantic / half child, half 70 year old self i've got is so hard to figure out.

you're thoughts, prayers, finger crossing, positive energies & whatever else would be greatly appreciated these next few weeks, because whatever decision i land on, there'll be a whole lot of peace to be made with all the other options. 
thank you for being a part of my world. 
- k. 

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